Pregnancy Questions? Please Stop Asking Me if I’m Pregnant!

This is an original post written by Mama Maria. Thank you for listening to her story.

I have looked pregnant ever since having my son, who is 2 1/2 now.  From the time he was about 4 or 5 months, I have been constantly asked when I am due.  Some examples include:

• The priest at church rubbing my belly in front of a large group and saying “another one so soon?”
• Running into a friend of a friend who said “oh, I haven’t seen you in a while – you look great! when’s the baby due? your son must be so
  excited to be a big brother!” when I said I was not expecting, she said “oh! I’m sorry – I just thought…”
• I was on a flight and a woman with a little girl needed 2 seats together as they were sitting apart.  I gave her mine when no one else would and she said “oh, thank you – I was getting worried that no one would help me out.”  I said “oh, that’s okay – I have a little boy about your daughter’s age.”  She said “oh, and you’re expecting another? congratulations!”

I could fill your page with more stories like this.

It’s so bad that often, I don’t want to go out socially.  I don’t have anything to wear (I was a tiny hour-glass fashionista before baby.)  I follow all the suggestions of what to wear for apple shapes, but nothing works and some of them make me look even worse.  I’m way past the point of Spanx working.  My maternity clothes fit and look great but I feel too weird to wear them.  I worry about people I haven’t seen in a while assuming I am pregnant.

I worry about pictures being taken – when they show up on Facebook, people write their congratulations all over them.  I have to do job interviews shortly and I don’t know what to wear and whether employers will be assuming that I’ll be going out on maternity leave in a few months.

If strangers ask, I usually go along with it, but when it’s people I know, I play dumb, but usually they push me to the point when I can’t anymore and then it remains awkward between us forever more.

To make it even more heartbreaking, three months ago or so my husband and I started trying for #2.  I had originally wanted to wait until I was back in shape, but when that didn’t happen, I decided I didn’t want to wait any more.  (I’m a full-time law student and mother still nursing my son – all those grand plans of working out and cooking from scratch never happened!) I have to force myself to have sex with my husband.  I feel unattractive and I know he doesn’t enjoy my big belly.  I try to get into positions that hide it and get it over with as fast as possible – sexy, I know.

To make things worse, my son was conceived on the first try, but after about four cycles, I have had no luck with #2.  I don’t know if the extra weight is a problem or if we aren’t having sex as frequently now, but so far, nothing.  So now when people ask if I am pregnant and it’s right after I’ve just disappointingly got my period, I am ready to burst into tears (WHY do people think it is ok to ask people such personal questions?  never mind if someone is infertile, has just lost a baby, only wants one child or none, etc. etc but your nosy need to know must be satisfied?) I want to be pregnant so badly, if only to match how I look and be able to answer the question with “yes.”

My plan is that as soon as exams are over, I will be hitting the gym every day and eating healthy.  Hopefully, that either helps me get pregnant or at least lets me look and feel cuter this summer…

Maria is finishing up her second year of law school on the Dean’s Honor List and hopes to practice in the area of medical malpractice defense.  She is married and the mother of a beautiful, bright, two-year-old boy.  Prior to law school, she was a professional actress and playwright and she hopes to combine her love of drama with her performances in the courtroom.